Suicide
by Chiba.Kun
Summary: [Slash and Het, multiple pairings.] Have you ever looked around and noticed that everyone around you seems happier than you are? That’s my life story. We all seem to love the wrong people. [Mostly Kenny's POV. Mainly KennyStan.]
1. Hi, I'm Kenny

**A/N: **All right! I'm finally starting my attempt at a multi-pairing fanfic! Now, I know I'm new to this, so don't tell me how crappy this is. Flames will be ignored, but constructive criticism and tips are _loved. _And I mean that I _**adore **_those reviews. So send 'em in!

This story will be written mostly from Kenny's perspective, seeing as he will be the main character in this. Some other chapters may be written from the perspective of other characters, but Kenny is the God of this story (well… not _God_, per se…) so expect a lot of Kenny… stuff. We all love him. So no complaining!

As a disclaimer, I do not Own South Park, any of its rights, merchandise, characters, logos, symbols, ANY OF IT. All I own is my imagination and its tendency to show its stuff to the masses. If I write about any other companies or products, then I don't own them either, unless I specifically say in a note that I created something. So now you know I can't be sued or something.

And on a final note, I'm dedicating this story to a bunch of people. This goes out to you, Dark, Kat, Kii, Ash, Rose, Paperleaf, Bitch Slap Love, PlayingCards, Are you Afraid of the Dark, and Salli W. Rye. If any of you are reading this, then I love you. **YOU'RE ALL SUPER AWESOME COOL!**

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Have you ever looked around and noticed that everyone around you seems happier than you are? That's my life story. Everywhere I go I see someone who is at least ten times as happy or joyful than I am. It's pretty sad. You could say that I'm jealous; and I would be, if I actually cared about how other people feel. 

Okay, well that's not completely true. I care about what My friends feel. What my brother feels, even. What _he _feels.

I watch my two best friends, Stan and Kyle, sitting together on a bench and just talking. Suddenly Stan punches Kyle's arm. I laugh. They must be arguing. I'd go over there and make a perverted comment, but right now I'm smoking behind a building and kind of... well, spying on them. But it's not my fault that they happened to come to the park behind the small café I work in. I take a deep drag of my cigarette, not caring how black it makes my lungs. I die daily anyway.

"Hey! Kenny!"

I feel a hand on my shoulder. I'm disappointed when I realize the voice is feminine. I tunr to look over my shoulder at the girl that disturbed my eavesdropping. Blonde hair, short, red tank top, large breasts, miniskirt… "Hey, Bebe," I say. Bebe Stevens was my first real girlfriend in eighth grade. Since we broke up, we've actually been pretty tight as friends, which is weird considering she can be a total snob. "What's up?" _Please leave,_ I coaxed her in my mind. _Just go away._

"I was looking for Kyle," she replied, blushing a little and looking at her feet.

I sighed. "How come?" I knew the reason, but wanted to ask anyways.

"Oh, umm… you know, I… uh… yeah!" She stuttered. I laughed as a devious, Cartman-like plan wove its way into my mind. I pointed over to the bench where Kyle was, sitting with Stan. "Right there. Go make your move on him," I said. She'd separate them for now, flirt with Kyle, leave me alone, and maybe Stan would come over here to talk to me. Whichever scenario it was, I was benefiting from it.

She must have caught my smirk, because she gave me a strange look as she skipped off (moving her hips in a flirtatious manner) with her miniskirt swaying over to Kyle. "Hey, Kyle!" I heard her squeak. Ugh. I rolled my eyes. But then, as I saw her scoot in next to Kyle, pushing Stan aside, I smirked again. Stan sported a disappointed look, waved 'bye' to Kyle, and walked over to me. I waved, grinning, and put out my cig. Stan waved back and I felt my stomach flutter. I was thankful for my parka right now. It would hide my warm cheeks. "What's up?" I asked him.

He stuck his bottom lip out. "Bebe," he said. "I know you two are friends, but she is so _annoying_!" he said. "Sorry..."

"Don't be," I said, feeling a strange sensation in the pit of my still-fluttering stomach. Jealousy? I hope not. "You and Kyle get enough time _alone _together, anyway. What's the harm in letting her have her fun?" It was hard to keep the sting out of my voice when I said 'alone.' Stan gave me an odd look. "Well, yeah, but… sometimes I just don't like to be… you know, intruded upon?" He gave me a hopeful look. Damn those eyes. What colour is that called? Cerulean? Sapphire? Storm Blue? Midnight Blue? I don't know. But I felt myself blush. "Oh, umm… right. We _do_ all need our privacy." Now _that _wasn't a forced response at all. I mentally kicked myself. _Idiot, idiot, idiot._ Stan grinned. I gulped. There was something about that look that was all-knowing. "So, what's up with you two anyway?" I said, tone icy. "Don't you two have girlfriends or something?" Stan sighed and his face turned red. What was that about?

"N-no," he replied shakily. "I… I'm not… erm, I'm not looking. Not now. For Girlfriends."

I raised an eyebrow. Is something wrong with him? What's going on? I elbowed him. I could tell he was embarrassed, so I didn't persist. "What about you?" He asked. Oooh, good recovery.

"I'm single. But if you wanna have me, I'd be more than happy to let you." I gave him a seductive wink and He shook uncomfortably. He knew I was bi. What was the big deal?

Beep, beep, beep. What was that noise?

"I better get going, Kenny. I promised Mom I'd help out around the house today," Stan said. He smirked. The sound must have been his watch, because he switched it off "See you later? Maybe?"

I nodded as he left. "Oh! And tell Kyle I'm sorry I left!" he called back.

"See ya, Stan." We waved our goodbyes and he dashed off in the direction of his house. I made a mental note to never tell Kyle.

I lit another cigarette. Then the door opened and Craig walked out. I sighed. "Hey," I said. Craig nodded a greeting. "Hey," he replied, taking out his own box of cigs and lighting one. Did I forget to mention that we work in the same café? It doesn't pay well, but we make our own hours and get free food. And I could use it. I'm as skinny as a twig! We sighed at the same time. "Life sucks," I said. He nodded in agreement, taking off his hat and messing up his hair. It looked pretty sexy all ruffled and messy like that. I didn't dare to say anything, though. "I saw Stan out here," he said. "You tell him yet?"

I felt a jolt of electricity go through my body. How did he know…? "Wh-whaddya mean?" I asked. The lump in my throat made it hard to choke the words out. Craig smirked. "You like Stan. Like… you _like _him."

I glared daggers at him and he flipped me off. Typical. "How do you know?"

"I just do. So did you tell him?"

I shook my head. "No. And I'm not going to."

Craig grinned the same all-knowing grin that Stan had. Damn it. "Okay then," he said, reaching up (he isn't very tall. At least 4 inches shorter than I am) and wrapping an arm around my shoulders like my brother would. He gave me a small squeeze. "Whatever."

So there you have it. My name is Kenny McCormick. I'm sixteen years old, bisexual, and have a heavy crush on Stan Marsh, my friend since… I can't remember. I have a shitty job and hate my life. So when it gets unbearable, I just throw it away and come back the next day.

Suicide is my hobby.


	2. School

I hate School. I mean I _really _hate it. Not only do I have to sit in a stuffy, ugly classroom for an hour with people I don't care about, but I'm just never left alone. Especially when I need to be.

I opened my locker slowly, trying to block out all the students running around to their classes. I pushed the door open and my eyes caught a note.

"_Morning, Sunshine!" _was what it said. It even had a little sun with a happy face on it. How ridiculously, disgustingly cute. "I wish you wouldn't put these notes in my locker, Stan," I said, rolling my eyes.

"How'd you know it was me?" Stan asked, walking up behind me and groaning. "I'm not the only one who knows your combo, am I?"

"No, Kyle knows it too. And I think that Clyde might." I sighed. "Don't put these notes in my locker anymore, all right?"

He stuck his bottom lip out in a pout. "Aww, fine." It was disgusting how cute he looked like that. Did he know that?

"You're all wet," I commented. "What happened?"

"It was raining earlier this morning," Stan replied. It was? I didn't know that. "You know, before school? Because most people like to come to school before first period ends."

"Oh, right. Well I like to sleep in," I answered off-handedly. Stan nodded a 'whatever' at me and turned to walk away as the warning bell went. I gathered up my books, took out a pen and a slip of paper, and wrote "Suck my balls Stan" on it. I'd tape it up in his locker later.

--

I took my usual seat in English class next to Cartman in the back row. There were other kids from elementary in this class, but not many. Token, Butters, Tweek, Craig, Red, Wendy, and Lizzy. Mrs. Garrison taught this class. Why? Because she finally got fired at the elementary school for teaching subject matter that was… well, too mature for fourth graders. That and being a total sexist, maybe. She taught English here because of her history of having written a novel and she actually wasn't too bad with the subject. At least that's what I heard.

"Okay, class, today we're going to continue to watch that play we started yesterday," she said. I rolled my eyes and Cartman hissed to me, "I bet she doesn't even remember what it's called."

"You don't, either."

That shut him up.

I think that the play was called "Twelfth Night." All I really know about it is that there's this woman dressed up as a man and working for the Duke that she's in love with, her brother is thought to be dead when he's not, and there's this girl that loves the woman who's dressed like a man or something. It's pretty confusing but also funny. I think that's because of all the perverted jokes that are hiding in the script.

I watched for about twenty minutes before falling asleep.

"GAH!"

I shot up immediately. Dammit, Tweek, I was sleeping!"

"What is it now, Tweek?" Mrs. Garrison asked lazily. Tweek was shaking so badly it looked as if there might have been an earthquake in the room. "I… I think someone's watching me! Oh, God, someone is staring at me! Jesus Christ! It's too much pressure!" The whole class let out a groan. "Shut up, coffee boy!" I heard Lizzy yell. Someone threw a paper ball at her. "Ack! N-now there are papers flying at people! Oh God…!"

"Tweek," Mrs. Garrison began, still drawling lazily. "Nobody is staring at you. Most of the class is sleeping, and I would be too if I wasn't a lazy, obnoxious man." Remember that sexist comment I made?

"B-but…! I swear! We're being watched by stalkers! Or _killers!_ _Jesus Christ!_ Maybe by the gnomes!" He yelled. The class started to laugh.

Holy shit. I think he might explode.

As Mrs. Garrison sent Tweek out of the room, I saw Craig watch his back and quickly avert his gaze to his hands, flushing with embarrassment. Or maybe that was regret?

--

Lunch time came around and I made my way over to my friends with nothing to eat, as usual. I looked at who was joining us today. There was Stan, who was next to Kyle, who was next to Cartman, who was holding Wendy's hand and trying to suck her tongue out of her mouth; there was Bebe watching with revulsion, Clyde sitting next to Craig and whispering something hurriedly, to which Craig flipped him off. I sat down. It wasn't as crowded as it normally was. I saw Bebe's face fill with relief as she moved to sit next to me. "Those two are gross," she said, obviously meaning Carmtan and Wendy. Did I mention they'd been going out for almost two months?

I nodded in response to Bebe. Stan smirked over at me. "Nice note, Kenny," he said. I laughed. "I meant it, you sexy beast, you," I said, trying to make it sound like I was joking. Thankfully he took it that way and laughed it off. "So, before Cartman started his minute-long make-out session with Wendy, he was saying something happened in English?"

"Oh, yeah," I said. "Craig was there too. Didn't he tell you?"

"I forgot Craig was in your English Class," Kyle chipped in. "No, he didn't say anything."

"Oh. Well, basically Tweek was acting up again and thought someone was watching him. Lizzy yelled at him and got hit in the head with a paper ball. Craig, you know how deadly those are, right?" I smirked at him. He glared, flipped me off, and looked at his feet as if he were embarrassed.

Okay, so know I knew for sure that it _was_ him that threw the ball at Lizzy. Not that I minded. She annoyed me.

"Lizzy?" Bebe chirped. "I saw her holding hands with Red the other day. They were giggling to each other."

"Don't girls do that all the time?" Kyle asked. He obviously didn't get that Bebe was trying to spread a rumour about the two girls. Bebe shook her head. "Not all girls do. Mostly just the lesbians."

I rolled my eyes. "So does that mean you and Wendy are lesbians?" I asked. "You two hold hands and giggle all the time."

Wendy immediately stopped kissing a flustered Cartman and turned to scowl at me. "Do I _look_ like a dyke to you?" She hissed. I felt like punching her for her use of the word "dyke." Cartman grinned. "'Course my girl isn't a lez. Didn't you just see the make-out session we had?"

"No, your rolls of fat kinda got in the way," Stan muttered.

"I thought you were eating her," Kyle agreed sarcastically. Well, to be honest, Cartman had lost a little weight. He was still fat, but not as much as before. I think he'd lost about ten, maybe fifteen pounds? So it made me wonder why Wendy was going for him. Usually she was the shallow "I-like-hot-guys-and-hot-guys-only" type of girl. Not that Cartman wasn't attractive; he had beautiful features once you got past all the fat and the crappy personality.

But that doesn't leave much, does it?

They continued their make-out session after finishing their individual lunches (I swear I felt like gagging when Wendy fed that overweight vacuum) and we continued to throw insults at them.

"Get a room!"

"Wendy, when are you expecting?"

"Go have tongue sex somewhere else!"

"Whores!"

Eventually, they gave up on us and decided to go suck face in a broom closet or something. "Come, Eric," she crooned, tracing a pattern over his cheek with her index finger. "We're not wanted here." When they left, we all gave a silent "Whoop!" of relief.

It wasn't long before Butters joined us. We all greeted him warmly and he returned it. He sat down next to me and I snaked an arm around his waist. "Hello, pet!" I greeted. "How're you doing?"

"Oh! Umm… umm… great, Kenny!" Butters answered, cheeks turning pink. He did this all the time. Blushed at everyone who paid him enough mind to talk to him. It was actually pretty cute.

Did I mention Butters was bi, too?

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**A/N: **All right. I have a little game for you. Each chapter will have some pairings in them. When you review (assuming and hoping you will), try and tell me all the pairings I mentioned in the chapter you're reviewing. So send 'em in, please! 


	3. Rumours and the Truth Behind Them

**A/N: **Congrats to everyone who guessed all the pairings last chapter**Famous Living Dead **and** milkshakehobo. **Again, please read, review, and try and guess the pairings. You don't have to, but I'd love it if you did. Flames ignored, constructive criticism loved.

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Biology Class. This is even worse than English. I have no friends in this class and I'm not planning to make any. Let's see… In this class, there's Token, Bill, Terrance, Fosse, Annie, and one of those Goth kids. I don't know there names and I don't care what their names are. I took my regular seat next to Token, the closest thing in this class to a friend. "Hey," he greeted. I held up my hand to wave to him and he shut up.

Thank God. I really don't wanna deal with him today.

The teacher stepped up front and began to lecture us on the digestive system. Well, this stuff would be pretty interesting if I didn't die from an ulcer before, get stabbed in the stomach frequently, or try to kill myself from eating something poisoned. Well, it was better than learning about lungs, I guess. By the way, I've popped my lungs before.

Halfway through class, Token passed me a note.

_Ur friends with bebe, rite?_

I rolled my eyes and Craig'd him. So what? I'd been spending some time around the guy lately. Big deal. I scribbled my response.

_Fuck off, Token. Were friends nothing more so stfu. _

Damn asshole didn't back down. He passed me another note. God, I'm sick of notes today. This one read: _I'll leave u alone if u ask her to go out with me, k?_

I gave him a weird look and nodded, tearing the note up.

Well, the teacher started to go on about something like how eating gives you energy. Time to tune out. I grabbed my iPod (Don't ask how I could afford it. I can't. I just have one. No, it's not stolen), placed the speakers in my ear and turned some on Coldplay.

--

I had plans with Bebe after school today. We weren't going to do anything bad, just hang out at her place, eat some chips and hopefully finish our History project. But it was unlikely we would, so we just decided to hang out and do what we could on it. We were doing an ancient Egyptian project. I'm perfectly capable of doing the work; I'm not stupid… just not willing to devote to my schoolwork.

So I gathered up my books and everything else I needed from my locker, ignoring the note Stan left _(call me 2nite, k?) _and left the building.

I got to Bebe's house fifteen minutes later. She was waiting for me. So when I appeared, she whisked me inside and immediately went back to the work we were doing. Now I could tell she wasn't thrilled to be my partner. If the teacher had let us pick partners, she'd be off with Wendy doing their brainy thing and winning some award for 'best student project of the year' or whatever. But it's not my fault we're partners. If I could chose, I'd go with Kyle and get an easy A.

Well, I would if Kyle had the motivation to do a good job. I cursed the fact that we were the same in that regard.

"Okay, so Kenny, go look up some facts on how the Nile was used in ancient Egypt, okay?" Bebe called to me. I nodded, giving her the thumbs up. "Right!" I said, going into her room and hopping on the computer. She brought her stuff in a minute or so later and we started to talk.

"Get chips," I said.

She brought them back and _then _we started to talk… officially.

"You know who I think has been giving Tweek hearts attacks every ten minutes?" bebe asked. She'd obviously heard about the other two incidents involving Tweek today. Yay, gossip time. I rolled my eyes. "Who, Bebe?" I asked in a monotone. I already knew who it was. Craig had been bugging Tweek all day with his crazy antics. First the staring incident, then brushing him whenever they passed in the halls. Bebe giggled. "I think its Butters!" she squealed. Butters? What the fuck? Almost everyone knew it was Craig! "Why Butters?" I asked. She giggled again. "Because rumour has it that Tweek and Butters are going out!"

I nodded. Butters had told me all about that. It was a cute little plan considering that in the end Craig would probably kill Butters. Poor butters was prone to all the plans of us crazy teens. In fact, he was going to help me after this business with Tweek was over…

"Kenny?"

Oh, right. I'm supposed to answer her. "I don't think its Butters even if they are going out," I said. Well, I knew it wasn't Butters. It was Craig! Craig, dammit!

"Anyways," I continued on before she pursued this topic. Changing the subject was always good. "Still going after Kyle?" She seemed to blush at this. "Erm… well, no. I think I like Clyde," she said, "But I dunno. I just know Kyle isn't available."

Kyle had a girlfriend? I asked her about that.

"Well, no… it seems he's got a boyfriend." I almost spit out my mouthful of chips. Boyfriend?! The Kyle I knew was straight. He was even homophobic! Well, slightly. Something was weird with this. I'd ask Kyle about it later. For now, I remembered what Token had asked of me. "What do you think of Token?" I asked her. She seemed to contemplate it for awhile. "He's okay," she said. "I mean, he's rich, good-looking, smart, talented and has an okay personality… but I can't really see myself going out with him, you know? Like… he's not my type." Your type? Since when do you have a type? You went after Kyle, Stan, me, Clyde, Craig, even Damien! You have no type, Bebe. Sorry, but you can come off as a slut. At least you only play one side of the fence, I suppose. I laughed at myself, but recovered with a quick, "he says he likes you. He asked me to see if you'd go out with him."

She nodded. "I'll think about it," she said. Knowing her, she'd try and play hard to get. Oh dear God, here we go again.

--

I got home and threw my stuff on my bed, digging out some porno magazines from under my bed. Ahh, nothing better to soothe the soul than porn. Well, nothing except maybe killing myself, but right now I had no reason to. I kicked the wall behind me. "Shut up, Kevin! I don't care how many girls you're having sex with in there, just keep it down!" The moans were too much for me. I hate hearing people have sex right next to me and I'm not part of it. I heard Kevin yell something back about joining him or something. I contemplated it. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. It couldn't be worse than wasting my life waiting for a guy that didn't want me. "I'll be right there!" I called, turning my phone in case I got a message. I tossed it on my bedside table (or what was left of it) and exited the room.

--

Wow, Kevin was completely wasted. I didn't stay for the whole thing. I only stayed for about an hour. It was eight o' clock now. There were about six girls in that room, and Kevin was the only guy until I came in and played around a bit. I'm such a whore… but what can I say? I'm depressed.

I zipped up my pants and flopped down on the bed. I wasn't as tired as I should be. Having sex didn't really excite me as much as it used to. Well, maybe it would, but not tonight. I turned on my iPod, started playing some AnCafe, and checked my cellphone messages. I had two. One from Clyde, asking to hang out on Saturday, and the other from Stan. I checked Clyde's first because I didn't wanna see Stan's message taunting me.

_Maybe. I dunno wut I'll b doin. Call l8r._

I checked Stan's message, bracing myself for the worst.

_Kenny. Call me. Now._

So I did.

"Hello?"

"What's up, Stan?" I asked. "You said I should call you."

"Yeah!" He replied instantly. "Guess what?"

"What?"

I heard him laugh. "I… well, okay, get this: Kyle and I are going out!"

My world froze. Kyle and Stan were going out…? Kyle. And Stan? No, no, no. This couldn't be happening.

"Kenny?"

I began to breathe heavily. "Ahh… ha, ha… that's great, Stan." I couldn't keep the edge out of my voice. "Look, I have to go. Talk to you tomorrow… maybe."

I hung up. I think Stan knew what I was going to do next. I heard the phone ring and felt it vibrate in my hand, but I ignored it. "Ha ha…" I threw it to the ground and ran to my bad, digging under it for my pocket knife. Why didn't I carry it? I found a razor blade instead and started to cut my bare chest. It wasn't going fast enough. I rummaged under the bed again and found another knife.

"Great, Stan."

I plunged the knife into my rapidly beating heart.


	4. Stan's Plan

**A/N:** Wow, I've been so lazy with this story. Please forgive me!

Shoutouts to **Famous Living Dead **and **KennysDeadButSoAmI** for guessing all the pairings last chapter. Congrats!

Also, please note that this chapter is written from **Stan's POV**. Thanks, and enjoy!

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Today was going to be a good day.

I'd asked Kyle to help me out with something a while ago. At the time, he was a little weirded out, but I think the idea grew on him. Either way, today we'd put my all of my planning to good use. After three weeks of preparations, I was ready to get a move on! Kyle really is great. I mean, getting him to do something like this? Awesome.

I wrote Kenny a note today and slipped it in his locker before school started. Not that he ever came for first period, anyway. I wrote a small message and completed it with a happy face that looked like a sun. I thought it would cheer him up, because lately he's been so depressed. I wonder what could be bugging him?

"Stan, I wish you wouldn't put notes like this in my locker."

Well, that was a let-down. I frowned, a little upset myself. "How'd you know it was me? Nobody else knows your combo, am I?" Wow, that was a scary thought. I wanted to be the only one who kept Kenny's secrets. Where these thoughts came from, I have no clue at all.

"No, Kyle knows it too." Shit. "And I think Clyde might."

Clyde? Clyde?! What did Clyde have with Kenny? They couldn't have been…

"Don't put these notes in my locker anymore, all right?"

I stuck my lip out and pouted. Nobody could resist my super-pouts. "Aww," I whined. "Fine." He turned around.

Kenny, don't go!

"You're all wet," he said. "What happened?"

I explained how I walked to school in the rain and he just said that he liked to sleep in. I could tell he was annoyed with me. Damn it, he looks so irresistible when he's angry! The warning bell went and I turned around to leave.

Later that day I found a note saying "Suck my balls Stan" on it from Kenny.

--

I gripped Kyle's hand gently as I watched Cartman and Wendy suck face. It was really pretty gross, so I'm glad I didn't kiss Wendy, now that I think about it. Kenny came in and sat down. "Nice note," I said to him sarcastically.

"I meant it, you sexy beast, you." It sounded like he was joking. Still, I tried to hide my blush and laughed it off. We talked for a little while and nothing else really happened, except making fun of Wendy and Cartman. They left and Butters came in not too long after. I saw Kenny put his arm around the other blonde's waist and I felt myself getting a little jealous. "Hmph," I heard someone grunt. I looked over at Craig; it sounded like him. Oh look, whaddya know? It was him that grunted. He was glaring daggers at Butters. If looks could kill, Butters would be more dead than Kenny after being run over, stabbed, shot, struck by lightning, and then thrown into a river with weights tying him down. A little spin off the cliché phrase. But what had Butters ever done to Craig? The kid wouldn't hurt a fly if he could avoid it. Maybe Butters was dating Craig's girlfriend? But wait, did Craig even have a girlfriend? I kinda doubted it… he could really be an asshole to people he didn't like. I laughed at the thought. The last girl that tried to get him to go out with her ended up with him tearing a note from her right in front of her face and flipping her off and saying something really rude to her.

I guess he liked someone else.

"So, Butters, what's up?" Kyle asked. Butters smiled. "Oh, well, nothing really!" he chirped. "I've got a lot of homework already."

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

Bebe stood up. "Guys, I just remembered! I have to go help my Computer Sciences teacher out today! Catch you later!" She called as she ran off. Personally, I was glad to be rid of her. Not that I hate her, it's just that she's annoying and I couldn't really stand her after we broke up in the summer after 7th grade. I found out she'd been dating Kenny behind my back, and Kevin at the same time (not Kenny's bro, the Chinese guy we've known forever but never really talk to). Slut.

"Oh yeah," Butters continued. "I think me and Tweek are gonna start going out pretty soon," he said. Somehow I just got thee feeling Butters said the wrong thing. Kenny's eyes widened and Craig's glare intensified. "I'm going out for a smoke," he announced through gritted teeth. "Craig, you know you can't during school hours," Clyde reminded him. Wow, Clyde, that didn't sound monotone at all. Craig flipped him off and left. Kenny sighed. "I'd better leave too," he said. "Help him cool off…" He stood up now too, turning around to leave. "Later, Butters."

Please don't go, Kenny! I haven't even told you about me and Kyle yet!

But he left anyway. Damn it.

--

Craig must've been pretty choked about something, because I didn't see him or Kenny the rest of the day. I guess that maybe they skipped school together. It sucks, because I really wanted to tell Kenny about me and Kyle. We were going out, but it was only for pretend. I wanted to get Kenny jealous… I wanted to go out with him, not Kyle. Oh well. Me and Kyle had been practicing for three weeks and this would not go to waste! We hadn't kissed yet, and I doubt we would. Kyle was kind of a homophobe. I'm amazed that I even got him to do this!

I sent Kenny a text message after school telling him to call me. I waited a good few hours before he phoned at about 8:00.

"What's up, Stan?" he asked. "You said I should call you."

"Yeah!" I replied. "Guess what?"

"What?" he asked. I couldn't help but laugh; this would sound so weird to him! I wondered what his reaction would be like. "I… well, okay, get this: Kyle and I are going out!" I exclaimed. There was a pause on the other end of the phone line. "Kenny?"

"Ahh… ha, ha… that's great, Stan." He sounded odd. Almost… cold? I could hear some heavy breathing on the other line. Maybe he'd just had a huge drink of water? "Look, I have to go. Talk to you tomorrow… maybe," he said. I froze. Maybe? This couldn't be good. What did Kenny mean?

Oh, shit.

_Shit!_

He's going to kill himself!

"Kenny! _Kenny! Kenny?!"_ The line was dead. He'd hung up. "Oh, shit… Kenny!" I quickly dialed his number again. There was no answer.

Oh, no… everything was going horribly, horribly wrong.

"Kenny…" I whispered, suddenly feeling alone and afraid.

"Oh my God! I killed Kenny!"

A faint cry of "You Bastards!" reached my ears as I flung myself into my pillow, crying over my ruined plan.

"I'm so sorry, Kenny…"

* * *

**A/N: **Please, if it ever takes me longer than a week to update, send me a message and pelt me with golf balls or stones or something! Stop me from being lazy! Or bribe me, or something. Just don't let me sit on my fat butt and get piled in schoolwork.

Also, sorry for the short and late chapter again!


	5. Attacking your Problems

**A/N: **I'm hoping this chapter will make up for the boring-ness of the last few. And also, I'm thirsty for reviews, so I won't update until I get at least five of them. So review, please, if you want more!

Also, we're back in Kenny's mind.

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I went to Hell.

It was actually not as bad as some of my previous deaths, even though the actual death was slow and painful. But I met up with Damien in Hell, like I usually do. Must be nice for him to go wherever he wants with a wave of the hand and burst into flame at will.

Either way, I stuck around there for about two days, it seems. When I got back to school I was less than happy to see Kyle and Stan holding hands.

I contemplated another suicide.

--

So, school just let out and I made it through the day. I was mostly smoking behind the school at lunch so I wouldn't have to see Stan and Kyle together. If I had, then I probably _would _have killed myself again. It was sickening, and the worst part was… the actually made a really cute couple.

Fuck.

I lit up another cigarette and watched as Crag came to join me. He lit up immediately. I could tell he was in a bad mood; he flipped me off before I even formed the word "hi." Oh well, Screw him. It's only because Tweek and Butters have been holding hands in the halls. And I know for a fact that they don't really care for each other like that.

Confused? Well, Butters is together with Tweek to help him out. See, Craig doesn't know this, but Tweek likes _him_ the same way _he_ likes Tweek. So Tweek and Butters are friends staging a few dates to get Craig jealous. He knows about Craig's feelings too. He agreed to help me get _Stan _jealous after he helped Tweek though. Poor guy. I hope he'll be able to breathe after Craig gets to him

Speak of the devil (ha ha. Funny), here come Tweek and Butters now, talking about some English assignment. Craig shot up immediately. I thought he would try and leave, but instead (sooner than I thought) he threw his cigarette to the ground, went up to Butters and said coldly, "Butters. What do you think you're doing?"

I saw Butters shake in fear. Uh-oh, he knows what's coming next. I stood up and was ready to intervene when Craig Grabbed Butters's collar and punched him in the nose. "Craig, don't!" I heard myself yell. "It's not what you –" He didn't hear me. He was _that_ mad at Butters for going out with Tweek? Why doesn't he just friggin' _ask Tweek out himself?! _He continued to hurt Butters. Tweek was reduced to a speechless shaking figure, holding himself in fear.

I launched myself at Craig, trying to restrain him, but he hit me off. That hurt. I should get him to kill me next time… Argh, but I can't be thinking of that now! Butters could really be in danger!

Then an idea hit me. "Tweek, do something!" I yelled at him. Tweek shook his head furiously at me and yelled something like, "No way! That's WAY too much pressure! What if I get hurt? What if he _kills me?! _Oh God; Oh Jesus!"

"Trust me, Tweek, he won't hurt you!" I stopped trying to restrain Craig and pushed Tweek hard towards his secret crush. "Gah!" He cried, reaching out to try and grab something to stop his fall.

_Good plan, Kenny,_ I thought. _Throw him right onto Craig and get him killed._

"Craig! Ack! Umm… Umm… stop it!" He screeched. If it wasn't for the loudness of his voice, I'd say he was shy.

Craig's eyes widened. He dropped Butters without even thinking. "Ahh…" He panted. "T-Tweek?" I noticed he didn't look over his shoulder to see the blonde boy clutching his arm. I bet he was too scared to.

Tweek whimpered in response.

"Tweek… I…" He stopped and shoved Tweek off him, looking away. Tweek just latched back onto him. "It was a stupid idea! Because of me, B-Butters got hurt…" Tears were forming in his eyes now. Well, I could have told him it was a bad idea. Maybe I should have.

Craig said nothing, and Tweek continued to squeal incoherent confessions at Craig. I don't think Craig listened to any of them. Idiot.

It surprised me when Tweek did something gutsy. He grabbed Craig's shoulder, spun him around (with a bit of effort; it was far from a flawless execution) and planted a kiss right on the troublemaker's lips. Craig's eyes were wide, but he closed them and returned Tweek's kiss, embracing him and holding him closely.

Things only got kinkier from there.

They were practically shoved up against the wall now, making out furiously and barely coming away from each other for a half-second breath. Craig had Tweek so crushed between him and the wall it seemed like Tweek would slide up the wall. It would be funny to see, and if that happened, Craig wouldn't be able to reach. Tweek was pretty tall and, well, Craig wasn't. I stomped my cigarette out and walked over to Butters, trying to ignore the moans coming from the lovebirds. Oh, God, did Craig have a boner? Tweek, too?!

Oh… _shit. _I'd better get out of here.

Butters was practically unconscious, so I whispered gentle things in his ear and picked him up. "It's okay Butters, you'll be fine… I'll take you back to your place…"

"Thanks, Kenny…"

I dared to take one last look at the two before I carried Butters away. Tweek now had his shirt off.

--

I had to go around to the front of the school to get Butters home. There were two reasons: one, I didn't really wanna see Craig and Tweek having sex (too awkward for both parties even though I love porn); two, The back of the school had a barbed-wire fence around it and throwing Butters over a fence wasn't really a good idea.

I heard some gentle sobs before I saw anyone, and right there, a few metres in front of me, were Timmy and Pip. Timmy's over-sized head was buried in his hands (well… kinda) and I could hear the sobs coming from him. Pip was standing next to him, trying to comfort him by murmuring quiet things to the crying boy. I caught Pip's eyes and he gave me a pleading look, so I went over to him and Timmy. Timmy was still sobbing. I could just barely make out some of his words. "Timmeh… T-T-Timmeh… Jimmeh…"

"I know, Timmy, don't worry," Pip soothed. Wow, he had the kind of voice that would make an emo kid cheer up _just_ because he asked the kid to. I wonder why Timmy was crying?

"What's the matter?" I asked softly. Timmy replied with a couple "Timmeh"s and maybe a "Jimmeh" or two. Pip looked at me and answered my question. "You know how Jimmy's moving, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Well… Timmy is depressed." Pip sighed. Oh… so Timmy had a crush on Jimmy? I never knew that. Pip took a quick glance at Butters hanging over my shoulder. "What the…"

"Craig," I replied before the Brit could finish. Pip seemed to understand. "Right-o," he said. "You had best take him to the hospital. He looks quite hurt." Way to state the obvious, Pip. "I'll take care of Timmy."

I nodded. "Thanks Pip." And with that I walked off again.

"Cheerio."

--

A few minutes after I ran into Pip, Damien pushed past me. "D-Damien, hey!"

"Where's Pip?!" The demon boy demanded. I was taken aback by that. He seemed really angry. Oh no, I hope this isn't a repeat of the Craig and Tweek episode a while ago. He grabbed my collar and glared right into my eyes. It scared me, to be honest, so I pointed in the direction Pip was. Damien let me go and stalked off in that direction. I ran after him at a safe distance, just wanting to warn Pip but knowing I couldn't.

"Damien, don't!" I called. He ignored me and continued to make his way to the Brit.

Timmy looked up, horrified, and began to try and leave. Damien glared at the handicapped boy and made Timmy scurry away faster. He sent Pip an icy look and Pip froze in place.

"Pip!"

Pip shivered. "You're late," Damien said softly, his tone so uncharacteristically layered in melting ice and sharp steel. I'd only heard him use that tone in one situation.

I froze.

Pip shook more violently and flinched as Damien dug his sharp nails into Pip's arm. The blonde boy cried out in pain, but bit his lip to attempt to hold it back. Damien smirked, showing his small, glistening fangs. He bit down into Pip's neck, causing Pip to cry out even louder. He came up and breathed all the way up the British boy's neck until he took Pip's lips in his. Pip moaned.

I knew this would happen one day. Damien would find another sex toy and I'd remain lonely for my whole life.

So I wonder… why does it hurt so much?

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**A/N:** As always, I'd love for you to review and give me some constructive criticism. Thanks in advance! 


	6. Hurting

**A/N: **All right, sorry it took me so long to update. I'm running out of inspiration and getting really lazy. Next chapter is already planned out though, so I'll work on it right away. This one is short, because I'm just using it to explain some stuff and lead into the next one. Can anybody say 'filler?'

People who guessed all the pairings last chapter: **Famous Living Dead**. Just one? Aww. But guess what? That makes Famous Living Dead _the most awesome reviewer so far_.

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Mr. and Mrs. Stotch weren't home when I got to Butters's place, so I fished in his backpack a little bit for a key. I found it, then slowly unlocked the door. The images of Damien and Pip were burning in my mind, and it hurt just to think about them. I knew Pip was straight. At least, I thought I knew.

The worst part about that whole scenario is that now I can't kill myself. If I kill myself, I'll instantly reappear in Hell, and that's where Damien will be… just waiting for me.

I just want to die. It would be nice if death just meant everything stops.

I lay Butters down on his bed. He actually looked peaceful… if it weren't for all the injuries, that is. I saw some paper and a pencil on the desk across the room, so I went over to it. I figured I might as well write a note to the poor kid, explaining how he ended up in his room.

That was when I saw it.

Butters had a few pieces of paper lying scattered on the desk, all with a drawing on them. I looked down at them and gasped. There were six drawings, all done in perfect detail: One of Stan, one of Kyle, one of me, one of Tweek, and one of Bradley. Man, I hadn't seen Bradley in years. He used to visit Butters in the summer for a week. Butters said he had made some friends at that camp-thing, but I always wondered if there was more to it. I found out later that Bradley had liked Butters and tried to kill himself multiple times, but Butters never realized he was liked that way. Butters truly thought they were just friends.

It's cute how naïve the small blonde can be.

I moved the papers aside and started to write a note to Butters. It just explained how he got hurt (I left out that it was Craig that nearly killed him, in case Butters didn't remember or didn't want to remember) and I carried him home and laid him in his bed. I looked at it, with all its spelling errors and bad grammar, and thought maybe I should write an extra in case his parents got home and wondered what happened to their son. I kissed Butters's forehead, said bye, and left.

Nobody deserves that kind of pain for trying to help.

--

When I got home, I instantly ran to my room and crashed, face-down, onto my bed. Today was a long day, and getting longer. Images of Damien and Pip were still burning my eyelids.

Oh, I wanted to die.

Damien and I never had anything special. At most, we were fuck-friends. When I went to Hell, I'd see Damien, and more often than not, he'd be horny. There were a few times when he wasn't, but…

Oh, that look in his eyes the first time… At the risk of sounding cliché, it was enough to drive even the straightest man crazy. I remember it so clearly. He'd all but pounced on me. He sank his fangs into my neck… I can remember feeling the sting, but at the same time, I was lightheaded (that particular death was a suicide: I'd taken and incredible amount of inhalants). He'd pulled himself away and whispered seductively: "Kenny… mm, I want to fuck you."

So I let him.

Sometimes it feels good to be dominated; sometimes you need someone to take you over the edge instead of follow you over it. There was nothing passionate about me and Damien; just pure, raw lust.

And it felt good.

God dammit, I want to die.

--

In the end, I did kill myself, met up with Damien in Hell, sulked, and came back to life a day later. Ugh, school was still in? Great.

I caught up with Pip in the hallway. We talked a little, just about stuff.

Okay, I had to bring it up. "Pip, I didn't know you were gay."

"Oh, I'm not," Pip admitted quietly, looking down at the ground and blushing. "If you're referring to Damien…"

"Yeah. I am," I snapped.

"Well, you know… Damien is quite frightening," He started. "And… to be honest, he's a bit untamed. He does whatever he wants whenever he wants. But I'm sure you know that," he said, and blushed even more. When I didn't answer, he muttered something about Damien mentioning that. I sighed. The demon boy just didn't have any respect for anyone.

After a bit more talking, I realized that it really wasn't Pip's fault. I shouldn't be mad at him. Well, technically he was raised to be a 'gentleman,' whatever that means (I'm pretty sure the definition was lost in America a few years ago), so he's mostly obliged to do anything he's asked. I think that's what it is, anyway.

Pip's really not that bad.

--

At lunch, I sat back down with my usual group. Stan and Kyle were talking, Wendy was on Cartman's lap, Bebe was rolling her eyes across from them, Clyde was next to Bebe. Today, though, Craig brought Tweek along. They kept giving each other 'the eye' and Craig was practically undressing Tweek with his eyes the way he was examining the blonde's slim body. Not that I could blame him: Tweek actually had a really nice ass.

Man, if Craig heard that last thought, I'd probably end up like Butters.

Wendy kissed Cartman's cheek and then brought herself away long enough to give me something. It looked like an envelope.

"It's an invitation!" She said. "Token's throwing a party in two weeks and I'm helping him out. Will you be able to make it?"

Are you kidding? Token throws the best parties! Booze, chicks, loud music and provocative dancing? "Hell yeah, I'm there!" I exclaimed. With any luck, Stan would be there and get just drunk enough to let me indulge myself, if you catch my drift.

Wow, I'm a terrible person.


End file.
